Disclosiing your hegemonic complicity with societally mandated attraction patterns is a no-no. Here’s why.

When you say you aren’t attracted to:

  • (other) people of color, or specific peoples (Blacks, Asians, Natives, Latinos/Latinas, Arabs, and other racialzed peoples)
  • Fat/large people
  • Disabled people
  • Gender non conforming people
  • Trans* people

and when you mention your non-attraction to any of the above people as in, “I’m not attracted to X people” or “I’m not attracted to someone because they are X,” please remember the following:

Society’s script for attraction is to majority people – white, thin, body normative, gender conforming, abled heterocis people.

Your attractions to privileged people are infliuenced by your culture and your environment. Even if you think they cannot change, please remembber that saying you are not attractted to marginalized people (solely due to them being POC, disabled, fat, gender conforming, trans*) perpetuates oppression of them and makes them unable to access desire and attraction in society equally to you.

This is, obviously, fundamentally unfair.

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The problems with “reverse isms”

Why aren’t reverse -isms real?

  • Based on individualism
  • Makes experiences of individual prejudice collective when they aren’t.
  • Recenters the experiences of privileged people
  • Ignores the validity of sociology and other academic/scientific disciplines.

As a Deaf, Black and Disabled person who identifies as a genderueer trans* lesbian woman, there are some things listed below that I, as a individual, could not possibly have done to hearing, abled white cis straight men, divided up into categories.

“Reverse audism”

  • I have never called hearing folks deaf impaired.
  • I have never denied hearing folks their right to English in daily life, including in such things as:
    • Work
    • School
    • Family
    • With friends/acquiaintances
    • Church
    • Media
  • I have never demeaned English as a language, including saying that it is just something you move your mouths to communicate with
  • I have never forced hearing folks to become Deaf
  • I have never abused a hearing person in any of the following ways, just because they are hearing.
    • Physically
    • Verbally
    • Emotionally
    • Psychologically
    • Spiritually
    • Financially
    • Culturally
    • Neglectfully

“Reverse ableism”

  • I have never dehumanized abled people with words that target their ability status.
  • I have never been socialized to not desire to accommodate their ability to move around in the world hinder free. My hypothetical non-desire would be manifestable in…
    • Saying financial constraints make it impossible to accommodate abled people.
    • Deciding for abled people what they need.
    • Refusng to be flexible for specific situations.
  •  i have never denied service to abled people in my own businessss just because they were abled.
  •  I have never been scarred of abled people just because they were abled.

“Reverse racism”

  • I have never called White folks “cracker” as a way of putting them down for who they are.
  • I have never forced White folks into slavery, and thus taken away their:
    • Livelihood
    • Culture
    • Ability to make a living
  • I have never abused a White person just because they were White, in any of the following ways:
    • Physically
    • Verbally
    • Emotionally
    • Psychologically
    • Spiritually
    • Financially
    • Culturally
    • Neglectfully
  • I have never been taught to feel suspicious of White people in a systematically centered way.
  • I have never kicked White people out of my racially safe spaces only beecause they were White, but always because of their individulist attitudes toward oppression.

“Reverse cissexism”

  • I have never refused to respect cis people’s names, gender identities or pronouns just because they were cis.
  • I have never said or implied that cis people don’t exist. Related to this, I have never said that a particular cis person is not actually whatever gender they identify as.
  • i have never said that cis people shouldn’t get hormone replacement therapy just because they were cis.
  • I have never said that all cis people want gender reconfirmation surgery (aka SRS, sexual reassignment surgery).

“Reverse heterosexism”

  • I have never been socialized to think that being lesbin, gay and bisexual is the only normal way to be.
  • I have never made two straight people kiss each other.
  • I have never demonized heterosexuality.
  • I have never included homoness in “family values” as a  way to continue the cycle of capitalistic homonormativity.
  • I have never deniied straight people the right to be together.
  • i have never tried to force straight people to become lesbian, gay or bisexual.

“Reverse sexism”

  • I have never made men feel that they have to keep themselves safe.
  • I have never taken over the voices of men in a primarily all-man space.
  • i have never been socialized to harm men just because they  are men.

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